Over the past week, when I was able to have some free time to think. Yes I know, it is never good when I do that. However, My thoughts always seem to return to past love’s. Yes there have been several and yes 1 or 2 really do standout. You could say I am doing this just because I am alone with not special someone. I have lived alone before and not taken the time to think on theladies of the past. Why now? Why do I even care? Should I even care?
From time to time, I have always taken the time to mediate on relationships active and past, Friends and family alike. I will be honest and admit there is that one person I am not sure my feeling will ever dissipate 100%. In fact there are a few woman that I will always have a fondness for. I do know I will never been anything more then friends today. With all my children grown, almost anyway, it time to really do for me.
Time to time, I slip into those memories of love long lost. I finally have taken the time to really review it all. My actions, her actions and so on. I don’t know If I will ever know the full truth but I have put things together in my mind at least. She is not here to even read this nor will she be around to defend herself. I am sure if she reads this, she will ignore this and I am good with that.
I know at that time I want so much. I also know she thought she didn’t fit in. Truth is we never really worked to see future we could had built. I just wanted to have it all and give her all that I was. I knew what she wanted at that time, I just wasn’t ready for that at that time, however, that did not that I wasn’t looking for that.(marriage and kids) I needed to become someone first, Reach a better station in life. I need to build myself up. Accomplish a few things before I took that step again. I was a dreamer then and I still am today. You did not wish to share the dream. However, everything I said I would do, I DID! I am just sorry you were not there to see any the achievements. Like I said to you in my last letter- No More Guilt, No More Regret!
Whats the saying? People are here for a Reason, A season, or a lifetime. I am not sure where to put her. I do know now you were not ready for something for splendid and more then you could have EVER wished for. Again your lack of vision back then cost you. I may never let go 100%, But I can and I have now moved on. Love is something I have never thrown away or will I ever do so.