Monthly Archives: September 2014

Caught

You tired to bring me down to your level
I saw all of you, evil and scorned
Your soul marked by your actions
Burned and torn; you feed upon flesh
You drank the blood and energy from them
Thinking you were so prefect
You had me within your grasp
I escaped and freed myself
I saw and know what you are really like
No darkness could compare
The light you avoided
You lashed out on me upon the rejection
No longer would I kneel for you
I am free and never to be caged again!

Long Week!

Hello to my Followers!  I thank you for joining me on this journey.  I am working on getting to more writing and more poems. Although this week has not been 100% inspiring I still tried to get some of those thoughts out.  In fact, I am at my best of this week right now.  I guess last weeks surgery took more from me then I thought.  However, things are starting to turn for the better.  With all that SSA Decision that came in on Monday has made me slow some of the plans until I speak with my lawyers.  I have had to slow the book project down and push back a release date.  I will get this done with even everything happening.

Again Thank all for following and please invite your friends.

Love and Peace

M

Falling Through Darkness

Today, I find my myself in a hole. With colder weather coming and my body still not recovered from surgery, I am having a hard time staying awake. Really hate that when it happens. The worst part I wake and I am still exhausted. Below is a poem I composed over the last couple days when I lucid and awake. I have to admit at least I thought I was awake…
Falling through Darkness
I am on the edge… Looking down into seemingly endless hole….Nothing but darkness in that hole…Looking to both side I can see no edges…I look forward and I see no end… I scream and there is no report in return…This piece of land I Stand…A lost step and I will be forever gone…Deep in this abyss I am confined…Knowing no light to see me…No sound to sooth me…I slip and fall…Down this mountain of loathing?…Or just within my own dreams?…Night and day are lost…This darkness has stolen them all…Loneliness and abandonment are my new friends…Yet they are friends of old…Downward I shall go…Falling more and more with no end…I have never entered this place before…I do not like it here…I can no longer cry, no tears left…No one to hear these cries…Does anyone car anymore?…I have been left here…out of sight, out of mind…trapped in my bondage…I am can only cry, silently…

Release Me

Trapped within
No inner peace
This damn thing will get me
It has taken my body
It wants it all, even my mind
I need the escape
The blade cant drain it
No pills bring silence
I need to get out of here
No promises fulfilled
They fear what will happen
No one reaching out
Down in this deep dark hole
I hate what I have become
I know what needs to be done
No final word spoke
NO gasping for air
No Splatter upon these walls
I am caged like an animal
I await to be released

Dealing with fibro on a daily basis feels like a never ending battle. Those who have this disorder know this struggle. Some days are “normal” other days feel like the devil himself is attacking you. I have had a hard week and it doesn’t end here today. Tomorrow I will be having surgery to remove what dental work still remains. It will be a long weekend! I promise to not write too much stuff when I am a bit whacked from the pain killers.

Love and peace to you all

M

Blown Away!

There are some days I cant explain my actions. No one is hurt, man woman animal alike, and I actually don’t plan to hurt anyone. However, there are times I just want out of all this shit! All the crap going on around me and I am still having to wait? Oh we will tell you in in 30 to 60 days that we are going deny your claim AGAIN! Really? Meanwhile, I am hanging by a very thread it feels like or that is feels that way. I just am not finding answer. All this is wearing down. I don’t know where I am going to turn next. The lyrics below are about this very mood. I am just tired and need this to be done! I can fully understand how a persons mind can snap. There is very thin line between the sanity and genius. I think I tripped over it this morning.

I hope someone reads this. Some days I cant hide the pain. Some days the pain gets me! These are the days that leave those scars you see. I just hope I can hang on. It becomes so very hard. I cant really think straight today.

Blown away!
I am set to go off
Explode on my next victim
Better take cover
I am ready to pull the trigger
Just open the flesh and let it flow
Just pull the fucking pin!

Why is it always me?
Why the fuck am I waiting ?
Just a time bomb
The fuse is lite
Don’t take another step!
I am ready to just EXPLODE!

In the end it will burn
Riots will start the flame
Fire will consume all
All of it!
All of YOU!
Nothing left but ashes

I am no longer in control
The masses have taken me
I can no longer exist
No longer will I walk alone
Soon the pain will end
Crushed under the masses

Chorus
I am so ready
Ready to blow away this world
Blow It all away and everyone with it
Let then come Take them all down
each and every one
Just blow them away!

Some spare thoughts?

I know I seem to have them once in while.  Yesterday was one of those days Just going to share a few things posted yesterday.  

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I hope anyone who is reading this ever has to deal with what i have to on a daily basis.  Only those have this disorder know the pain.   

Son

That day I was granted a son,
my Joy unmeasurable.
He was so small and innocent,
all his parts clean and bright.
Falling asleep in my hands,
only moments after birth.
He grew to learn from me,
acted liked he was my right hand.
Ever attempting to fit in my shoes,
clowning around for the photos.
I taught you what I could,
as you taught me how to love.
Early days of school,
ever watching you grow.
Those math problems,
along aside the spelling tests.
Not feeling equal to the task,
somehow you carried me through.
From the day you learned to tie a bow,
then pedaling so ever fast.
You never showed your fear,
as I concealed mine.
Summer ends with school days,
till receiving that parchment.
Keeping your eyes to the prize,
my pride as you grew into a young man.
The day you were born I wish you to be like me,
however, by “GODs” hand you a better man.

 

This poem was written for a couple of friends.  I watched them as they handled one of most difficult times a parent could ever go through, losing a child.  Love and peace to them.